Refrainment
by Raydiate
Summary: Two short drabbles on the emotions of Ulquiorra and Orihime revolving around a small, corresponding story-line between the two. UlquiorraXOrihime
1. Ulquiorra

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Is it wrong to want something you don't deserve? Even when you don't act on your desire? Even when your only connection to that something is based solely upon duty, obligation and loyalty? But what if it was a product of fate? Perhaps it was always meant to be. Perhaps she was destined to be with him all along.

Ulquiorra abruptly shoved those thoughts from his mind. Of course it wasn't meant to be. Of course he can't have her, no matter how much he wants her. It is an impossibility. His analytic, logical mind tells him so. But if that's the case, then what is this bizarre feeling that's stimulating said unnerving desires? What is this indescribable series of emotions he feels every time he is near her? He cannot possibly be feeling such petty, human emotions. Arrancar can't afford to have feelings. Over and over again, he desperately tries to drive these emotions, these feelings, away to the smallest, darkest corners of his mind. And each time, he fails miserably.

Ulquiorra is the shade of a moonless, starless night. He is the lurking shadows possessed by demons that guide innocence to their doom. He is the darkness: cold and hidden. But he is the darkness that longs for light. That yearns for the rays of the sun to shed across his shadowy world or the brightness of the moon to bring him home again. That is what Orihime is. She is the light. The light of the sun. The light of the moon. She is the one that guides lost souls from despair and misery and gives them hope, joy and happiness. She is everything he is not and everything he desires.

The feeling is there and he can't shun it. Just like a dream. You can't rid yourself of your emotions in a dream. You can't suppress your true desires or feelings to nothingness no matter how much you may want to. But in reality, his feelings can be ignored. He can hide them. Or try to. He has to try. For as long as he's assigned this task, at least.

Just as his unwelcome thoughts trail off, Ulquiorra finds himself right outside the door to her room. _Why is it that I seem to inevitably find my way to this door rather than any other? _He wonders. He knows it's not time for her dinner for another couple of hours yet he's still standing outside her door. Looking at it mutely, he listens to any sounds she may make from the other side. But none came. In fact, had he not known better, he would have thought the room were vacant. But the door remained locked and none other possessed a key.

Leisurely contemplating whether or not he should enter or move on, he hears his name spoken from the other side of the door. But it's not simply spoken. No. It is whispered. Sung. Uttered so lightly and delicately yet so sternly and demanding. It conveys each and every emotion the human heart is capable of feeling: happiness, fear, worry, sadness, anger. Everything Ulquiorra's tone never held. The voice is easily the most beautiful thing he's ever heard and listening to his name expressed in such a way made his non-existent heart halt on the spot.

Gradually regaining his senses, Ulquiorra knocks almost inaudibly and opens the door a crack. Peering in, he is just able to make out the oversized, blue couch and Orihime's elegant form lying on it, facing the door. Ulquiorra's body freezes before realizing that her eyes are shut and her breathing steady. She is soundly asleep.

She must have called his name in her dreams. But she's lying so peacefully. So calmly. He can't imagine something so bright having anything but a nightmare involving him. But this woman is most defiantly not having a nightmare or anything of the sort. Ulquiorra's hopes are ignited. He feels a candle light up his insides, somewhere he's never felt before. He's not used to this. It's uncomfortable. But he wants it. He wants it so badly.

Slowly, he backs out of the room, closes the door silently and begins down the hallway the same way he came. He feels something overwhelm the firm grasp he has on his emotions and lets a small smile consume his naturally melancholic features for the first time.

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	2. Orihime

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He says it all the time. He says it's orders. He says it's duty. He says it's obligation or loyalty. He believes he's not kind. Not good. But she knows there's goodness in him and he has been kind to her. He said he would force feed her and shove the food down her throat if she refused to eat. But he never did. He never would. He never wanted to. He would never yell at her or hit her no matter what she does or says. In fact, he's protected her far more than duty has ever obligated him to. He wouldn't let another Arrancar come anywhere near her let alone harm her. She felt safe with him. Like she was at home.

Laying on her immensely large blue couch, in her very empty, white room, Orihime allowed these thoughts to consume her head and her heart. She was entranced by them. She knew, of course, that he was forbidden to feel the same way about her. He was her caretaker: the one assigned to keep her alive as long as she is needed. Nothing more. But she wanted to hope. She wanted to wait for him. To wait for the darkness to find the light and let it shine upon him. For Ulquiorra was the darkness and she the light. She wanted to brighten his world. She wanted to make him smile. To make him feel loved, safe and at home. She knew he wouldn't let her and she knew she might not even be able to if given the chance. But she wanted to try. Just for him. She wanted it so much.

Just as her thoughts threatened tears to fall from her eyes, she felt his silent footsteps approach her door. She stayed still, not making a sound, anticipating the familiar controlled knocking on the wood. But none came. She wondered if he was going to let himself in without a knock this time.

Then it dawned on her; it couldn't possibly be time for dinner yet. Even though time was impossible to tell in her huge, empty room, she couldn't have had her lunch that long ago. She still remembered how he waited by the door to finish her meal. She remembered how he smelled, how he looked at her, the way he stood there a few minutes longer than usual. He just stayed, listening to her, answering her questions and even asking questions when he didn't understand something she spoke of. She never saw anything outside of her room but something told her that he wouldn't even think of talking with anyone else the way he did with her.

Pulling herself out of the pleasantly vivid memory, she practically moaned his name in a voice she didn't know she possessed. Her eyes, locked on the door, widened in shock as she realized she'd said it aloud. But no sounds came from the door for a few moments. Just when she came to the conclusion that he must not have heard her, she heard a tiny, almost inaudible, knock at the door followed by a small click and the door opening. In panic at the idea of him finding her with thoughts from earlier that afternoon still lingering in her mind, she quickly shut her eyes, calmed her expression and pretended to be asleep. She knew how well he could read people. He would certainly be able to see right into her mind.

She heard the door open but no footsteps come in. _He was still standing at the door. _She presumed. She wondered what he was thinking. How he was feeling. It was almost always impossible to decipher his true emotions behind the rock-hard façade he bore so strongly. He still claimed he didn't have feelings. That Arrancar were bread without human emotions for convenience's sake. But she was certain that if she opened her eyes now, she would see something consuming his features. Anything. She, honestly, had no idea what she'd find but her curiosity and strong desire to see him now was overwhelming. She could feel his eyes on her but she wasn't sure how long she could restrain herself from opening her own and see what she most desperately wanted to see.

Thankfully, she didn't have to wait much longer. She heard a tiny creak and a click and the door was closed. She peaked her eyes open slowly and saw that he was no where to be found. What had he been doing? He didn't need anything. He didn't take anything. He didn't wake her or leave anything for her. Was he really just there to see her? Just to talk with her or sit with her? Orihime smiled to herself. She didn't know why but those thoughts made her incredibly happy whether they were true or not. Great. Now she would find it almost impossible to wait for dinner to come and see him again.

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End file.
